Desire

There is too much things i desired for..
Desired for vacation...
Desired for shopping...to buy a lot of things..
Desired for good achievement..
Desired for love....

Oh man....How greedy i was...I was so lose in last week... I expected i could achieve Dean list in this sem, but, i expected too high for it, i didn't get it, just a few few few point, i could achieve it...man, this is the 3rd time, the 3rd time i can get Dean list by a finger's breadth...i was so dissapointed at that time when i get to know those who get Dean list in last sem may have a meeting with Dean....I was lose... I don't desired too much, I just wish that i could get just once, just at least one time in my 4 years (8 semesters), but I didn't get, even once...I asked Lord..what do You want me to know? What do You want me to learn? patient? faith? i was totally lose my faith to Him at that time...Lord, is that you want me to know, the more I want, the more You dont want to give me? The feeling is just like........i don't know how to express....

In that whole day, i pretend myself to be happy, to be as usual, don't want to let anyone to see the true I...i was so sad actually at that time...even i was smiling, but not with the true smile..hard to understand right? u can try it yourself....

Again, I wish to meet my true love, but searching in 23 years, i haven't meet with him yet...the unknown him....feeling dissapointed with that....Where is my love?!!

But, Lord never forsake me...He still loves me...He still loves me....Just in last prayer meeting, He told me by the persons besides me, don't lose faith with Him, but with just believe and just simply be faith in Him....This song '坚定相信' gave a big nudge to me....I cried...The tear just rolling down my cheeks...God sacrificed Himself for you, for all of us to have a new life...but you lost faith in Him just because of a bagatelle...It is really a big waste for His love...ya....where is your faith? from mouth saying that you believe in Him, but how is your heart? i should not repeat my mistake ever and ever again...Now, i am not dare to desire, putting high expectation for everythings....I just want to be easy and simple, not too much desires, but just simple....I have been frightened by desire......

It is the 3rd week since i back to Penang...In the past 2 weeks, i was busy with church services... There are a lot of first tried...Thanks for giving chances...

p/s: Need to 'tidy up' my feeling to study....Actually no mood to study....