Since the clock of 2008 started to run, i have no pause for it... indeed a bit tired lately...i went for a leadership camp in last weekend. i just as if forced to be there, if i am not a leader, i wont be there...the melancholy feeling haunted me few days before i go to the camp...since i sat on the bus, reached the destination, feeling so depressed, as if nobody understand me..ya, just call me cynic..just like wanna throw a tantrum to anyone at there!! Why force me to go there!!!
Yet, i want to proclaim one thing...I am expecting that i will be very suffer in this camp...i tell myself...don't want to join any programme, don't want follow the rules, and want to ruin all programmes...but i didn't do so...yet, i am glad and thanskgiving i have been there, flabbergasted that i have this kinds of peaceful feeling after the camp ended...i learnt a lot, somethings that really gave me a pretty big nudge ...
i never know that, i am such a proud and sinful man. i never be humble and humility never grow within me. i never follow Lord's wish. i asked myself, why being a cell group leader is on par with fall deep into the pit of no return?! it was just weird?!!!!!!!!!!! I really hate myself..i am sinful as i breach my promise to Lord. I promised to Him that i will try my very best, but, the job not yet started i gave up already...i am afraid, i am timid..Yet, Lord told us, 'For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.'. yea...He is mighty God, why i still need to be afraid if i am really humble in Him...As i haven't abase myself, i am still afraid...don't let yourself regret, if you still have chance to service Him.
Much of grouses, even myself also bored with it...ha....sounds weird...
To everyone, what is your 1st impression to a Christian? holy? good manner? kind-hearted? friendly? or hypocrite? just have a chat with my beloved mom last day about her view to Christian...just then, i knew that she don't believe in Christian...for her, Christian=hypocrite...step into the church with a face, with another face again outside the church...this is what her impression to Christian...my heart felt overwhelmed and dire sad. i cried. Yet, mom said that, she won't hold back my belief and religious... she even encourages me...i know she still have little believe with Lord...
Lord, what should i do? with myself, i can't do anything...i have no power! i need your support...just then, i know, i can only affect my family with my own life and character...she don't believe is because of the sham christians, then i need to sober her up with the real...with my life...mom, dad, Lord will never forsake you!!
Until today, again, my table covered with notes and exercises again..haiz...student's life is like so...keeps going ....be reminded, without Lord, you are nothing!!
5 comments:
ya, i have to say that many christians are hypocrite.
but, the first thing you have to learn is, love yourself.
we can learn step by step, who can achieve a terrific milestone within a few days!? this takes time. we are learning and growing from the past, from our mistakes.
Anony, sometimes indeed a bit disappointed looking at the hypocrites...we need to be sincere right? but, the other way round...even, myself sometimes also lost control...need to be more humble and humble...i don't want be hypocrite.
Thanks for your advice ya, learn from the past, from our mistakes, to a certainty, never let the despair be our stumbling block...=)
Hi Qin, Missed you. I belive that not just christians but people, are guilty of hypocrisy, it is everywhere, that is why your actions, our actions as christains will always be under the microscope. We do our best and let God do the rest. Love you little sister.
Thank you dave...=)
Muuuuuuuuack!
Post a Comment